Sometimes people say that Melbourne can have four seasons in one day. Today, for me, has been all emotions in one day. I have been anxious and very sad but now I feel balanced and ready to move ahead. The anxiety from this morning has worked itself out. I have leveled out this afternoon which has given me some time to think about anxiety and how it affects me.
My anxiety often stops me from acting which, in turn, creates more anxiety. I am often so paralyzed by my anxiety that I cannot even imagine a world outside. The most basic and simplest of things can become a problem.
Basically, I find it very hard to trust myself. I simply do not see myself the same way that other people say they see me. I am always anxious before anything – meeting people, telephone, driving, speaking. Even the people with whom I have a relatively normal relationship I freet and act weird. I am always worried that I will offend people by simply being me. And every time I reflect back on things after the event I know I can do all those things and the anxiety was rather misplaced. And often the reality is that the inside is nothing like the outside – I am not nearly as weird and awkward as I think I am.
So the lesson for me is to remember before I allow my anxiety to throw my mind into a spin. Or simply to trust me – I can do it and there are even a few things that I can do well.